A Greedy Loneliness That Hungers

Living in a bubble of isolation

Even when the people that matter the most

Are right next to you

Like, everytime I breathe

There's something missing in the air

My lungs collapse

Harder still to expand

Until I'm a stuttering mess

Every conversation stops making sense

I try to reach out

It's not enough

The warmth of a hug doesn't last forever

I wake in the night with a chill that reaches my bones

In the morning, I try my best to smile

While in reality,

All I want to do is hold on

Imprison their hand in mine

Never let go

It's not a reality

Sooner or later,

They have to let go

Sooner or later,

I have to let go

Life moves on no matter the consequences,

Or the situations that lead to this

I find myself alone again

Surrounded by the voices of friends,

Of family

That linger outside the bubble I'm trapped in

That is reality

The distance,

Although close,

Has never been further

Created by my lonesome self,

Or God,

I wouldn't be sure

I'm lonely when I'm not alone

Living life in third person

When all I want to be is "in person"

My love feels boundless,

Yet, burrowed deep within me

I can't help dissociating

Maybe, I'm overwhelmed by the world

Maybe, I just can't take this

So I keep the world at a distance,

Despite wanting to drown in it,

Despite wanting to spend every day breathing life in

I'm envious, I'm jealous

Of all the people who seem able to wake up early morning

Just to smile at the sun,

To touch every leaf on every flower that catches their attention

To be able to hug someone, and the warmth lingers

Stays, fills their hearts with love

To fall asleep, dream in colors of joy

Instead of nightmares

Jealous of those knowing tomorrow a heart will beat with yours

I want the company my soul needs,

Instead, I'm afraid

If I ever meet someone who can love me,

I might devour them in my craving to escape my loneliness