imagination

my brother and i used to play a game

he'd tell me "don't think of pink elephants"

and see how long i could go.

until one day,

a pink elephant showed up in my basement,

summoned by my thoughts.

we had lots of fun with my pink elephant.

i named her pastel.

so my brother tried something new.

he said, "don't think about alligators."

and one day,

an alligator showed up in my basement.

we had fun with him.

he was a nice alligator.

until one day, just like pastel before him,

he faded,

and my brother and i tried again.

"don't think about butterflies."

i thought about butterflies.

i couldn't help it,

it was a reflex.

and together, me and my brother

we danced in fields of monarchs.

as i got older, my brother

stopped making requests.

there was less of a need for animals

and more of a need for shelter.

my dad went on a business trip

and mommy got mad at him

and now daddy's not around anymore,

and mommy doesn't have time to take care of us.

she doesn't make pancakes like she used to.

and my brother spends all his time at school.

even though he buries himself in his studies,

he always gets bad grades,

and once something called a truancy officer came.

he doesn't have time to

imagine animals with me.

i'm lonely.

i'm almost in middle school,

but nobody talks to me.

i tried to tell them about my animals,

but everyone laughed at me.

so i go through school with my head held down.

mommy used to talk to daddy about how i was

on the spectrum.

i don't know what that means,

but i feel like i should.

i feel like i should know a lot of things,

but i don't know them.

so i sat on the edge of the bridge

and looked at the sun.

it burned my eyes.

"don't think about cats,"

i whispered into the wind.

for a moment i wondered

if a cat would show up at all.

maybe i lost my animals

just like i lost my daddy and mommy

and even my big brother.

but there, behind me,

was a cat.

he was big and fluffy,

and he looked at me with sleepy eyes.

i hugged my new cat,

and from deep in its throat,

a hum emerged.

it was like music.

the cat was happy,

happy in its simple life full of love.

i wish i could be like this cat.

i hugged the cat close,

and i was very glad

that i thought about cats.