Life Fucks Us All

Q: Why does no one die a virgin?

A: Because life fucks us all

When I was four, my mother died.

She “committed suicide.”

I found the note in her pocket.

I don’t remember what it says anymore,

Even though I used to read the words over and over until tears smudged the page.

I had to turn it in to the police

Ten years later, it suddenly became evidence.

Evidence of my father’s guilt.

When I was five,

my father sold me.

He didn’t need the money.

He wanted me out.

He wanted me gone.

So he dumped me in a place where

Rough hands won’t let you go.

I watched everyone I love be torn away from me.

They wouldn’t let me have friends.

My purpose was to be a toy.

And so I was.

When I was eight, I escaped.

I don’t know how.

I just knew that I had to get out.

So I did.

I found a family

kind enough to take me in.

His name was Frank.

His wife’s name was either Deborah or Wendy.

They were in their sixties, but not yet retired.

In between work breaks, Frank took every opportunity to remind me

That I lacked what he had

And I would never be a real man.

When I was eight, I went to school.

I was behind in everything,

But it didn’t matter.

Because I met a girl.

She helped me.

I think.

Some days I wonder if she used me,

Taking in the new kid as a charity project,

Or, just like everyone else, using me for my body.

When I was eleven, I found my way back to my dad.

Because I thought anything he did to me would be

Better than foster care.

When I was thirteen,

I met another person,

who wasn’t quite a girl or a boy.

And they still keep helping me.

Even today.

When I was fifteen,

I found a better family,

and tried to spend as much time with them as possible.

My dad was arrested for the first time,

and I dared to think that I might be okay.

But he got bailed.

And I was back with him.

When I was sixteen, me and my friend

devised a plan

to free me

from the slap of a belt.

They got it on video.

And we finally had a case.

And when I told them about my suspicions,

That Dad had murdered Mom,

And I showed them the note,

They finally convicted.

No chance of parole.

And the family I always longed for

I am now a part of.

When I was a kid,

Life fucked me.

And I couldn’t wait for death.

But now I think

I can be okay.

Even with the nightmares

That keep me up at night

Because I have someone by my side

Who helps me through my fright.