New Sandwich Slang

I type down the words as they are fed to me.

Through this— ugh, gross—

through this little earpiece they shoved

into my ear canal.

And it feeds me this message

that keeps repeating,

“stop biting your nails.”

But they are so tasty

and if I don’t bite my nails,

what am I supposed to bite, bro?

A turkey samuel (new slang for sandwich)

I don’t like turkey samuels

unless they’re loaded with Mayo

and at that point it’s about as bad

for you as biting your nails anyway.

So I dig the earpiece out

And throw it on the ground

And stomp on it with

My comically large boots.