So Nice (Taste it Twice)

This recipe calls for: 

-6 cups of anxious coping mechanisms

-2 1/2 cups of meme references 

-3 tablespoons of forced laughter 

-1 tablespoon of wrathful hatred 

-1/4 tablespoon of pure spite

-2 teaspoons of the benefit (must be extracted from the doubt) 

-1/2 teaspoon of genuine giggles 

-1 pinch of unfiltered joy 

Preheat blanket for 4 hours with depression nap. 

If you can, leave bed and mix all ingredients in a bowl. Notice that you added too much or not enough of one of the ingredients. Begin crying. 

Allow tears to mix with the dry ingredients and stir slowly. Gradually stir faster and more aggressively when you remember Election Week. 

At this point, a bit of snot should be getting in the bowl as well. This is good! To make sure the tears and snot come down consistently, think about how white liberals just began to care about the systematic lynching of black people only to abandon the movement after electing our first ever black female cop into office.

When it’s reached an even consistency, slowly pour the contents over the overdue assignments that your professors didn’t give you extensions for despite the literal pandemic. 

Stare at the mess you’ve created. Your best bet is to abandon ship and go get a cake from that little store you like to cheer yourself up. Too bad being outside is illegal right now. 

Crawl back into bed. The blanket should still be warm if preheated properly. 

Sleep.