wishful thinking

your words twist past events

they make me wonder if

maybe

I overreacted

you didn’t do those things

you convince me

even though I’ve seen them with my own eyes

I want nothing more than to believe you.

but I’ve changed -

I am no longer a child

all the years of being

gaslit, manipulated, belittled

it adds up

you’ve made me cold

I won’t suffer your mistreatment

in silence

I can’t anymore

“what do you want from me?”

you’ve asked that many times

shouldn’t it be obvious by now?

all I want is accountability

for you to see what you’ve done wrong

and understand

and not blame anyone but yourself

I want you to try to be better

instead of spouting empty words

useless words

yet again

I want you to respect that I can have my own thoughts

and that just because you don’t agree with them

doesn’t mean that she put them there

I want you to stop invalidating my emotions

trying to win me back with nostalgia

yeah, I bet you would like to go back

to the days when you could control me

I want to be able to trust you again

I want to be able to love you again

I want to be able to spend time around you without wanting to die again

there isn’t a script that you can read out to me

and fix this, like magic

as if your mistakes never mattered in the first place

I want you to be sincere

to actually care about how someone who isn’t yourself feels

an apology shouldn’t be this difficult.

I just wish

you could say sorry

and mean it.