broken from premature dating

i. and as a good catholic girl, i asked him; and he said no,

he's never smoked a cigarette but i could taste the alcohol

on his lips. but his eyes held a lifetime i've never lived and

i just wanted to at least scratch the surface of some sort of

rebellion; instead, i fell victim to my unbecoming and his

collecting of my heart like it was a trophy worth collecting.

ii. one night he promised me something worth believing and

foolishly i started bleeding out all the truths my life's been

bandaging (learned about scars i didn't even know existed

'til the words fell from my lips); so then, he asked me

to write him something for his birthday but my response

wasn't satisfactory, but i only knew that 'cause he watched

the color from his eyes fade in mine; i told him, i could

write you birthday poetry, but that's for you to keep. funny,

when tombstones are meant for people ts the others that

get to read.; he doesn't understand the scatterbrain that

an author's mind becomes, since everything because nothing

and nothing always becomes more than it's supposed to be; 

so instead, i wrote this poem about us instead.

iii. my parents grew to like him from the poisonous lies

i continued to feed them; they'll never know of the toxicity

until it becomes one of our fallings; and he was the genius

that i could never catch up to, but t his friends he was just

the playboy dating the nerd who somehow became pretty;

yes, high school's truly like that.

iv. if i chronicled all our dates, who would want to read such

a doomed love story?; star-cross lovers still love each other, 

they don't go being the ruining of one another; so no i wouldn't

want to share our journey anyway, there's so much misery and

heartbreak; remind me, why i even desired to stay?; then i

remember the way his skin felt under my fingers and how the

gold tears trickled between our lips are as kissed and i remember

there was a reason; it just wasn't a very good one.