i want it to hurt

I need to put it on my skin, on my tongue, on my eyes, on my lungs,

I want to breathe nothing but truth,

I want it to hurt the way cocaine only hurts when you do it for the first time,

The way your first love when youre too young to know youre in love breaks your heart like no one else,

The way a child cries,

The way your mind dies

When you drink to much

And youre alone

With what feels like the truth

In your head

I want it to burn

But it doesnt

I want glass in my skin, i want to be hated, i want to feel fear

I want to feel like im drowning, my body screaming for air

God, i want to not care

Like

Opening the door to the street and its suddenly autumn

But im not ready for autumn yet

Like five am in an airport

I want to break open

I just want it to hurt

And maybe then i could write again

how do you portray a world that wont sit still