How To Love and Not Be Loved

My shrink quotes Parental Neglect,

I like to believe I raised myself,

The last time you killed a bit of me; don’t you touch me again

Or tell me I’m not beautiful, that I couldn’t be brave.

If I tried and failed, I won’t count on you then- So,

Dear mother,

I wish you’d loved me closer,

Held me tighter and maybe when I did good,

I wish you could-

Tell me, (please) love me and hold me:

I wish you’d been my mother

I shrink from your perfectly smooth manicured nails,

I remember when they were on my face and raked,

Skin from skin- don’t enter in,

I have a love now, she’s not a him,

I would’ve told you-I want to- but,

Dear Mother,

You didn’t love me closer,

Hold me tighter and maybe when I made you proud,

You weren’t around, to-

Tell me, (never) loved me and hold me,

I so wish you’d been my mother

We shrink from the way we tear each other-

Down- to having no common ground: I’m still alone

You’re trying I know: you wished me happy daughter’s day,

We’re in the same house and so far away,

Your love isn’t motherly warmth, it’s the ding, message received

Lighting up my phone; Alone in my dreams crying-

Dear Mother,

I want you to love me closer,

Hold me tighter and maybe when I need love,

You would with warm love,

Tell me, (try to) love me and hold me,

Won’t you- I love you- my mother?