Oh Happy Day Down South

"How odd," I thought as I listened to deep breaths before my eyes opened.

It was unusual for me to feel a little "interested" in the morning. I reached down there and flipped the fuck out! I jerked my hand away.

My heart pounded as I flew out of bed and ran to the bathroom mirror.

Oh bajeesus! Oh saint and salt peter I have a peter!

Like a sibling, there I was a man.

I put on some of my son's clothes left boxed in the garage, got into my car and took off to Denny's to chow down. After breakfast, I realized I had a doctor's appointment.

I called and cancelled the pap smear.

I went to the grocery store and I could lift all that shit!

Back to town I went to negotiate the car deal I've been meaning to make. I got a sweet deal! On the way out I stopped roadside, stepped out of sight and took me a piss!

I wadn't gonna waste the pleasures of this day. I spied on women.

Next stop the titty bar! After a few beers I saw a fight fixin' to happen. I wasn't scared or nothin'! I was just lookin' for a reason to jump in.

By five o'clock I looked kinda sexy just barely needing a shave.

I went out that night and went home with a "lady." Woohoo!

At home, I moved the refrigerator. The floor beneath was driving me crazy before.

Now it's time for a little football before bed.

Strange as it sounds (and I'm still gonna "nix" the pap smear), I hope I'm a lady tomorrow.