holding on / letting go

uncertainty pricks at me,

seeking for something to consume,

some shred of confidence it can feed on.

i let it wash over me,

let the sorrow hollow my bones out in this

hypnosis of the heart.

pastel skies swirl before my eyes,

worlds dissolving as i know it,

so i search for some belief to hold onto.

hope flickers like a lightbulb, kept alive by conviction

and no one makes me believe like she does.

//

do i deserve her? god, no.

she’s a protector; some sentinel seraph of my soul

while hell is a sanctuary i’d be lucky to get to know.

she’s my anchor, holding me steady and strong

but she hangs on by a thread, stripped bare,

grounding me at her rock bottom.

is this why it’s so hard to let her go?

if ignorance is bliss, then knowing is the realisation that

there are no winners here in the inevitable aftermath —

neither of us will walk away unharmed,

and no one will hurt us like we do.