it still bothers me

It still bothers me

Nearly every night I dream

of being in my old farm house

with the sagging floors

and mildewed wallpaper

and everything disgusting they thought needed burned down

how the scent invades my subconscious as I drift in and out

of REM

I was dancing again

on my old wooden floor

with the sagging 100 year old timbers underneath

and Granny was there

and I was free.

And we were picking beans

in our big metal bowls

and I was okay

it was all in control...

But I cannot control

the way I feel

Hate the dreams

they are so real

And I wake up in a sunbaked paradise

that I will never belong to...

But there is nothing for me back there in that place

they burnt my crumbling farm house to the ground

No peace and comfort can be found...

Nothing left but an old stone chimney

and the memories that invade me as I sleep.