(afraid to grow up) i hate how everything’s changed

i’m in love with a girl

and yet i’m kissing boys who don’t love me at all

i like to pretend she’s still mine

occasionally

maybe she thinks of me

yet she doesn't exist anywhere but in my own head.

and i don’t say anything to the boy

who kisses me as if he can’t breathe

gasping-as my hands meet his.

i’d love him

if i could forget her

it’s ruining me