Not a pity party, I’m just fucked up.

I dont know how I got so fucked up....

In my head.

I used to be on my shit,

Everything going good,

I was living back then.

Now I’m just exsisting..

Doing everything I can,

For her, accept, being a true friend.

It’s hard because I’ve had so very few.

And I’m sorry i am not a better friend.

At least I’m able to love,

And have someone who loves me,

Might not be in the way I want,

But its love.

And that’s more than most people ever have.

It’s hard to change something you have no idea is not right. Life kinda fucks you up.

OCD is a motherfucker.

I hate that I think so much.

I also hate that I dont know how to fix myself, if i even can be fixed.

I love someone, but fuck everything up about every 3 weeks. I dont want to hurt her, but end up doing so because of the fucked up thoughts in my head.

I dont want to drive her away....

She is the one most beautiful person I have in this life of shit I have.

Sad thing is,

I think it’s too late.

I just wish I knew how to fix myself.

I’m sorry I’m so fucked up....

I love you. You are the most beautiful.