Who Are You Now

I was 18 

And I had not cut in over a year.

No matter how hard I wanted to.

I was 18

And I thought I was learning how to love myself.

And started to get clean.

I was 18 

When I had lost my first friend to drugs.

I met his family and friends.

I was 18

When I'd been sexually assaulted by someone in the rooms

I never wanted to hurt someone so much.

I was 19

When I celebrated my first birthday clean and sober in years.

It was a huge milestone in my life.

I was 19 

When I got one year clean and sober.

I relapsed a month later.

I was 19

When I went back to recovery

I started to get honest.

I was 19 

When I stopped sleeping with anyone and stealing.

I found out what feelings felt like.

I was 19

When love found me.

I didn't even know how to love in return then.

I was 19

When I left my mother’s toxicity.

I know what being an adult is now.

I am 20

And we nearly lost my grandma.

I wanted to let her go.

I am 20

And my mom and step dad relapsed.

My stepdad is an alcoholic 

My mother is an addict.

I am 20

And I put myself in a mental hospital.

I am medicated and in recovery.

I am 20

And I finally know what love looks like.

Let me tell you, what a beautiful thing it is.

I am 20

And I celebrated a year clean and sober again.

I cannot tell you how happy I am today.

I am Jada 

And I am a recovering addict.