I’m Hurting

The truth escaped me for the majority of my life. Now approaching 40 I know. I know that my Mother is toxic. I am hurting that I was made to be her self esteem, her approval, her value, her constant companion in thought and action. I am hurting, the pain is far reaching, and even further in depth. Like a duck caught in a oil spill. It all feels so consuming and raw. I am hurting because I won't ever be able to talk to her about it. She plays the martyer well and with ease. It will be tourned around on me or dismissed. That's gonna hurt too.