closure

left open just a crack,

just enough that the noise still gets in,

just enough that there’s a draft coming through,

just enough that I can see the light seep in from the other room

(and at some point it starts to seem more like that soft, yellow-gold kind of light than I remembered, as hazy as my memory is starting to become,

And why is my subconscious starting to paint a golden hue on what was once bleak and cold?)

…so do I ignore it all and slam the door,

Or will that noise reverberate throughout the room and leave me more unsettled?

Is there a way to reopen the door a bit more, so that I can take in what’s outside, say a firmer goodbye than my last one, then close and lock up tightly?

Or do I just have to gently grasp the handle, ease the latch into its place, softly as if an infant fell asleep in the next room, and let it have its rest?

I just try to remind myself

that what’s most important is

my desire for the door to be closed,

by whatever means.