Memories like the Sun

I wish I could say

I have had a happy memory with you

but every one is stained

with anger

with darkness

with blood.

Mother,

why couldn’t you

just let me smile?

For once you were

caring

but you let

the moment slip away

when you decided

there was nothing wrong

with a punch

(physical and emotional).

Why,

why must you be this way?

I’m sick of dealing with a child

I’m tired of dealing with your conflicting moods.

(and I know you will never change but I still hope).

I want to love you

and I know you want to love me too

but it's hard

(you are mentally not fit to be a mother).

So I think I will take

these broken

memories

(these sunny, burning, painful memories)

and leave

you

for good

so that I may never have

to endure the blistering

a g o n y

of betrayal.

(but I won't leave, because I have to protect the younger ones from having memories like the sun)