Tongue tied

I won’t forget the words you told me

Used to be your sunshine

Your ray of light

Made me feel like the only girl in the world

My dad wounded me

With a belt

With words

With actions

Searching for my fathers approval

Never succeeded

Searching for a man to rely on

Never succeeded

You were different

I have daddy issues, but maybe not all men are bad

I’m opening my closed heart

Please don’t hurt me

So much love, I don’t deserve this

Pure happiness and bliss

Pinch me, I must be dreaming

Where have you been all my life

The way my father mistreated me, I stopped caring

He saw this change in my behavior when I brought this blue eyed boy over to our house

He tried to scare him

But my boy was stronger and smarter than to be scared away

He taught me how to talk about my feelings

He let me cry in front of him

He welcomed my broken story

My dad sees he isn’t relevant in my life anymore

He wants to patch the scars he left

Oh can’t you see?

A bandage will cover the surface, but the cracks are feet deep

Dad comes in drunk

He is angry and yells at my blue eyed boy

Screaming, slamming doors

You will never understand my hate for you

I grab my love and we run

I’m embarrassed, I’m hurt, I feel worthless

I’m sobbing in his arms

He’s shaking but he holds me tight

I have to leave him

I need to end this love

Baby, I don’t deserve you

You are perfect, and I’m far from it

He said, please don’t run

I’m here with you right now

I can’t keep chasing

I will always love you

But I have to push you away

My dad is killing me emotionally

I can’t love someone else

When I’m not allowed to love myself

I run through the woods

I sit by the oak tree with the letters engraved c + d

A heart is captured around them

The bark has grooves

It’s running it’s way through the heart

That’s how I describe myself

Bumpy, rough, and cracked

My head falls into my hands

Tears won’t stop falling

My breathing gets heavier

My heart beat is pounding

My throat closes up

Gasping for air

My chest is so tight I feel it might burst

I’m scared, sad, angry, betrayed, in love, lost, and confused

Most of all

I’m alone

Years go by

I moved out

I went to college and started my own company

I got a therapist

I healed

I gained self confidence

I broke ties with my dad

I found the most loving friendships

You still hold a place in my heart blue eyed boy

I check up on you once in awhile

You’ll never know

I thought you were the one that deserved a better life

We both did

My throat closes up when I dial your number

Mind goes blank

So I never hit call