10 Things I Learned in Purgatory

This is not quite hell, but not anywhere close to heaven.

It's not even close to what normal life should be.

I knew my 2020 was going to suck; the love of my life is gone for most of the year, and I'm 2,000 miles away from everyone I grew up with.

But dear lord, if I knew it would be this shitty, I'd have stocked up on toilet paper.

I have learned a few things while stuck in this seemingly endless monotony:

1. It takes me 23 steps to walk from the front of my apartment to the back window in my bedroom.

2. Touch starvation causes trouble sleeping (it's a scientific fact; look it up.)

3. Somehow, my cats are needier than ever. I don't particularly mind, but I keep inhaling cat hair.

4. My default state is who I was at 16 years old. I'm reading the Twilight books for the fifth time.

5. The days do not matter. Neither do nights. Time is an illusion.

6. Your car battery dies if you don't run it at least once per week. (I forgot last week, and I'm nervous to try today.)

7. I'm better at Spanish than I thought. Thanks, Duolingo.

8. My leg hair can, in fact, continue growing longer than an inch.

9. The Welsh word for dragon is "draig."

10. I do not want people to contact me as much as I once believed I did.

This pandemic has created some great memes, taught everyone how to make bread, and I'm sure it probably drove Charmin stocks through the roof.... but can it just end already?