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Abernethy in Comedy

Toilet Roll

I see it, perfectly wrapped in unpunctured plastic. I want to feel its silky soft insides between my fingertips, pulling it apart and wiping it against my skin. Superior to off-brand counterparts.

There’s another.

She’s closer. Her wide eyes glance from me to it. She lurches, but I’m faster.

I ram my trolley into hers.

I grab the toilet roll and run.