When I'm sad

I act on i m p u l s e

shove food away like it's poison but

then I ache to be full of something

the rush from

chewing and s w a l l o w i n g (choking)

erases the emotions momentarily,

but my swollen belly brings it all back

I don't want the reality back

I don't want the mirror back (please don't tell it that)

I walk a tightrope

over a p r e c i p i c e

and leap to either side

just to see what it feels like

hoping it might

make me feel nothing? Something?

and

I

am

terrified.