He hides in plain sight

his pain is masked with laughter and his body is an escape

an escape from realitys grip on his throat

hes free when his back is sweating

he is in control of the pain

he knows its coming and he is prepared to be engulfed in it.

not like out there

out there you never know when its coming or how bad its gonna be

its a punch that will always leave you surprised

once youve experienced true lost the world isnt the same

it breaks my heart when i see

many people claiming they are in true love

this first true love warps their perception of the meaning

ive seen many whos first love was poison to their character and

demeaning to their morals

yet they were happy because they were in love

Ive met many whos first love was toxic but thats all theyve experienced

and thats all they chase. Their first love is on repeat with a different face

His first love was special but taken.

Taken by abuse and betrayal

he was thousands miles away

she was home at a party

his cousin got her drunk

she passed out

he enjoyed her, she woke up and screamed

and all he could do was read about it the next day

so he got up from his knees and went outside to where hes free

where he can get his back sweaty, heart racing and be prepared for the pain.

pain that will never surprise him.

pain that will help when he sees him