Mysterious Feeling

This heavy, mysterious feeling usually comes and goes. Its visits are often extended until I no longer feel the difference between what’s real and what isn’t, what emotion is permanent or temporary, if it’s melancholy or another form of meaning that is unrecognizable or hard to translate into words. Between my conscious and subconscious lies a separate understanding of what I think I feel and what I’m actually feeling. Sometimes, they are so overwhelming that it swells against my chest, beating to get out until I weep them out. The built up of my sadness, anger, confusion, exhaustion, and frustration pour down my cheeks, a temporary release of the battles that are currently fighting inside me. I think it’s more than just what I think it is or more than what others think it might be; it’s so perplex that it does not have a word, but a feeling that we can only understand ourselves once it hit us.