As I Lie Awake

I lie awake at 3 AM

Only being asleep a second ago

I jolt up with a terrible feeling

As I rethink all the things I did

Thinking of what I did

What I said

How I acted

I re-think all of it

Even conversations that haven't happened in the past while

It still bothers me

Could I have said something different?

Should I have acted differently?

Do they think differently of me now?

Why is it that I can't be carefree?

I don't want to care

I don't want it to bother me

I don't want to think