An Open Letter to Myself

Be kind

Be soft

Be nothing all

Let yourself stare at your wall long enough

You’ll be surprised what you’ll find

Within the cracks lies all of your sadness

They all tell you you’re worthless and no one will love you again

Its ok to believe them

Why would your walls lie?

After all

You feel it in your bones

You feel everything dragging you down

You feel like your drowning,

Who doesn’t?

You’re nothing special

Get over your sadness

Only the wall wants to hear your cries

It’s easy to become nothing at all

The love of your life taught you all of the methods

You smoke until you can’t breathe,

Starve until you can feel

It’s easy to wait until your hipbones are as deadly as knives

It goes without saying that you want to use them on yourself’

It goes without saying that you want to die

Who doesn’t?

Your impact on the world is not even enough to make you missed

You would fade into past obituaries

Do you want that?

Yes

Your heart doesn’t exist in your chest

You monster

Why can’t you feel anything?

You can’t write anymore because you’re not sad enough

And now you just don’t have any emotions to write about

The first thing you come up with is this self-deprecating poem

That’s fitting

You will spend the rest of your life hating yourself

You might as well write it down