Panic

Fear is the hand grabbing my ankle

While I toss and turn at night,

Kicking blankets as if they're thoughts

That I wish weren't in bed with me.

They grip my wrists and kiss my neck

And remind me they'll never go

Because this is what I want.

Someone that loves me and cares

And will stay even when I'm being me.

That I want him to be in my bed,

Holding me and telling me softly

That the nightmares will stop and if not,

He'll be there until the morning regardless.

But he's not, he's the nightmare,

Holding onto my brain and dragging

Me back to that place again, the past

Where he was still here and I was happy,

Calm and in peace and not anxious at all.

But, this is the present where he is gone

And I'm in this bed, hot and sweaty

Alone with my thoughts and willing to release

All the blood in my body to be anywhere else.

But, he's still here, and I can't disappoint him

And slit my fickle veins and drain the bad humors.