Infinity Noose

He taught me how to make my first knot.

It was a hanging noose out of a piece of string.

He told me, "prove your love to me and make me a noose like I showed you."

And I did.

My noose sucked but I still did it.

I wear that noose as a necklace now.

It seemed sad and unfinished.

Missing something.

So I took the other end of the black string and made another noose.

Now it felt complete.

My own Infinity Noose.

I wear it to remind me of love and the inevitability of death.

I wear it to remind me of you and what is lost to me.

I wear it to remind me of how suicidal I used to be.

I wear it to remind me of the past, when I wanted to hang myself.

It is a constant reminder that maybe, just maybe I should hang on a little longer.

It is a constant reminder of singing, drinking, dialysis, hospice, of John and my father.