A Friend

Anxiety and perfectionism have always haunted me. I scored low on a critical exam because I had an anxiety attack. I missed a chance at my dream career because my mask cracked. I almost lost my life to my demons. I have infinite reasons to hate myself for getting in the way.

But I came to realize how unfair I was being. I wasn’t trying to love myself. So I wrote myself as a character. Reading her story, I couldn’t hate her. She sabotaged herself… But she was just scared. She didn’t know how to get help or when to stand up for herself.

I created a friend for this lonely girl. Someone kind, brave, and understanding. A woman who gave her permission to be imperfect.

I try to be this woman for myself. Sometimes I do a poor job, but I forgive it. Slowly, very slowly, these characters are becoming one. I’ll always have moments of weakness but I’ve learned to love myself enough to believe I deserve another chance.