The Pointless and the Promised

stay away

i scream

while telling myself the screams are why i matter

The familiar phantom approached gently.

It knowingly asked what was wrong.

I said I didn't know-

Lifelessly.

flinching inward

i gasp

the ringing echoing in a crescendo

My eyes were dormant and quiet.

My blinking was slow and lethargic.

The phantom smiled at me

And suddenly dissipated.

frantically scanning

i search

for the mirror's chiming shards

As it phased out of existence

I began to feel warm and yet numb.

The presence asserted itself

And enveloped my limbs

i want to go home

i chant

as i realize i've been there

It asked once more, softly

What was wrong with it all

And I grew tense and defiant

Wondering how I could ever know.

water pooling

i leak

denied a pointless promise

They have begun to flow now

As the phantom coaxes rain to fall

From a long barren sky

Once rife with possibility.

once special

i was

i was once special

It asked what was wrong.

It asked me what I always knew-

A promise of my own purpose-

A promise of its total validity-

never once

i wasn't

i wasn't once special

Those promised ideals, I think to myself,

Pointless in their being,

Were utterly repulsive and hope ridden,

Ultimately setting the stage for virulence.

the ghost returning

i freeze

crying in nostalgic relief

The phantom simply smiled once more

And asked why I'd lie to myself in such a manner.

The phantom weeped and shook my core

And asked why I'd deny myself in such a manner.