What I wanted..and what I want..

I will write about childhood desires, right now as an adult I am little bit of a cynic. I never wanted anyone to die around me. I have faced severe existential crisis in life.

When I heard that my mother had cancer, then I became quite gloomy. My father died of a heart disease, I was too numb to feel anything.

I just wanted disease-free world,

no cancer,diabetes.....

There were times, when despite talent I could not perform due to fear.

I wanted fearless life,

no worries and anxieties.

I needed to give clarifications for everything. I hated it.

I wanted people to undertand me,

without me to explain them in detail.

People smile but, they also pass hurtful sarcasm. I think they might not be happy at heart.

I wanted happy people,

innocence dripping from their eyes.

You love someone, but your love is never reciprocated.

I wanted no emotional abuse,

where close ones not use you.

I have always seen my parents argue, we used to hide when that happened.

I wanted peace and silence,

not arguments and quarrels.

Now as an adult,

I want no financial worries,

I want to sleep deep.

I want no accidents or tragedies.

I want my numbness to disappear.

I want good weather all year around.

-GD