My shameful past

As I sit worklessly and aimlessly

my mind wanders through the walls of past,

head bows down and eyes clench tight as I recall...

The days when I refused to say “yes”

as the teacher took attendance in 1st grade

because I was scared and a coward that I was.

As I climbed up the stairs behind my mother,

“mother’s tail” they said and goaded me

where I became extra aware to climb stairs in their absence.

That day when I broke my own record of being

“girl who never got scolded by the teacher”,

and got slapped in front of the whole class.

When my parents stotl my diary and

later chastised me for writing rubbish,

and then hid my own diary away from me

When yesterday I stood like an outcast and invisble

where none cared to acknowledge me

while they were talking and playing

And they call me “friends”.

The shameful events of my past still haunt me

where I just can’t let go,

So instead of trying hard to forget it,

I think it has to be embraced and accepted

because that has shaped the person “me”.