Oh Mother

Growing up

My mom always said

That she would accept me

No matter what

Even if I ended up

Liking boys

Or

If I would be happier to be a girl

She always said

It didn't matter

Because her love was

Unconditional

But now we're here

And I've told her

That I'm not one-hundred percent

About this boy that I am

But instead

Of open arms

And love

I get

What she likes to call

"Pointers"

Things like

"You wouldn't be pretty as a girl"

And

"You're body is too straight to be feminine enough"

"You wouldn't have big enough breasts to be a woman, you know."

The worst thing is

She doesn't even realize

That what she's saying

Hurts

I have an aunt now

That used to be an uncle

On my moms ex-lovers side

(She used to love girls)

She refers to her

As her previous name

"Ernie"

Not as who she is now, "Giselle"

I try and tell her

To use she and not he

All she does is yell in reply

That I'm always on her case

I wonder if she realizes

That she's part of the reason

I want to take a blade to my wrist

Or down all my pills at once

I try and think positive

That I don't have it so bad

That others have been kicked to the streets

After telling their parents

But this isn't easy either

Some people can't just

Roll out of bed

And love themselves

For others it's a long process

Of telling yourself you're worth it

And that

You're strong enough

To make it through this