selfish beyond all the holes
.
the way the sheets slipped when you stood, white cotton mingled from no sleep but all the love, creased, wrinkled, satisfied tiredness
I knew it was time to speak, to say just stay
but I did none, let you go, just a sigh for me and me alone
frantic, illogical, my mind screamed at me, make him stay, hold him, touch him, make him sink in deep
but you’re already there, aren’t you? as deep as you can go
watch him as he puts on his jeans, black shirt, multilayered skin smelled so good on top of you, and now the buttons, too many buttons that felt so good to undo
watch him, as he looks for his keys, wallet, money all there
those muscles are strained, back tenses, stands there for a fracture of a second
wondering ? doubtfull ? you know you need him, more than you confess
but you don’t need no one, you’re a strong, independent woman. Who needs men, anyway?
why do you lie to yourself ? what’s the point if the bed went cold if you can’t roll over and stop on him? no warmth in this life
more than you could swallow, darling, just let him leave, it’s for the best, for the best
lie to yourself, it’s the only way to survive, do you want to end up like your mother?
why does he hesitate?
stretch out, shift, lift your hand, fingers sink in deep, grab his wrist
all in your mind? make the action real
you make the skin touch, yours against his, his against yours
louder, make him stay louder... grab it tighter, don’t you dare let go, tie him at this
moment, please, just this once, feel how it is to be alive
he turns around, doubtful, glaring at the closed door, he looks at you, his eyes stay
rhythm in motion, love, just give into it
what is it? the question lays there, clinging to the leftover air
five more minutes, just for me, just one more time
rhythm in motion, love, just give into it
look, too many buttons that felt so good to undo, now they’re yours again
strip it all, strip your soul
too him, just to him, later you will forget like you always do, isn’t it exhausting not to have a heart? oh, it’s there, it’s just beating slower so I don’t get swallowed up
you would think that a heart can break only once, what nonsense
it breaks every fuc[ing time
.
Just call me angel of the morning, (angel)
Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby
Just call me angel of the morning, (angel)
Then slowly turn away from me
Maybe the sun’s light will be dim
And it won’t matter anyhow
If morning’s echo says we’ve sinned
It was what I wanted now
And if we’re victims of the night
I won’t be blinded by the light