the last time I thought of you

was

a month ago. while

listening to my 'nostalgia' playlist

(bad idea from the start) That Song comes on

and I can't help it-- my love-starved mind wanders back

to a time in which you were real, tangible,

a mere two feet away. it felt wrong.

consumed by guilt, i swore

never to listen again.

was

a few weeks ago. while

taking a walk in the forest, I discovered a leaf

that touched the sunlight in such a perfect way, it almost

brought me to tears. i cannot tell you why, in that moment,

i ached for your touch. i can hear your voice now:

"it's nothing but a feeling, feelings pass,"& yes,

it passed, but I did not walk there again

for fear it would return.

was

last night. while

laying in bed I was overcome

with the sudden desire to be held, or to hold,

or to hear breath besides my own, to love. and i think perhaps

in that moment i did love you again. perhaps

i never stopped, perhaps i've been in denial

but it brought such unbearable hurt

that i swore to never sleep

in my bed again.

was

just now. while

doing my psych work i felt the need

to check prose and saw this challenge,

and even though it is so general and open-ended

(like many other things in life), i saw it and thought

of you. and instead of dismissing the feeling

i tore it open, reached in, found

all those little moments again

and this time it felt right.

(write).

so

i swore to never

forget you

again.