thoughts when i binge eat

sometimes i eat my worries away -

wrappers on the floor collect pools of tears

calorie-counting is out the window

an accumulation of chaotic fears

flashes of salty snacks in hand

blurs of yellow, red, white

lost of grace, i stuff my face

losing logical, helpful sight

and i sit in a puddle

plopped on the ground

like a worthless blob of dough

settling, melting without a sound

but i chuckle to myself

to break down shameful silence

at the tastes on my tongue

at my food-filled blindness

and i imagine shadowed parents

looking down at me in shame

i gather reasoning in my head

but there's no one else to blame

except maybe my lack of friends

lack of trust i have for others

piling homework in the corner

no one i love to smother

and so i smother myself with food

don't know whether to feel upset or better

but i promise myself i will try harder tomorrow

and i button up my sweater

back into the world where i hide myself

where i dress for everyone else,

where i eat for everyone else,

where i smile for everyone else

and i search for control

in an uncontrollable public reality

i head back to my humble home

i control what i eat, and i feel free