When did it all go wrong?

Some people will never know what it is like to self harm. And that is for the best. Self harm is an addiction, the kind that I can perfectly remember the moment when it all went wrong.

A bent paperclip, twisted into a wire the length of my hand. Long enough to do damage, short enough to hide.

That's probably what went wrong.

Not the paperclip itself, but the hiding. I learned about all kinds of places I could hide things. I learned that while they dug apart my room, they never checked the school locker. They never spotted the difference between my cuts with a razor blade and my cuts with a paperclip, even though I said they were the same things.

But it wasn't the issue with them. It was the issue with me.

The thing about me is I didn't even notice I was depressed. I thought it was normal. All my friends were the same way. I didn't even consider people's insensitive bullshit as bullying until someone told me it was. I thought everyone got called ugly by their friends. I thought everyone was told they were too weak or scared to kill themself. I thought that was normal.

I guess I was wrong.