Flickering Hope

I watch with a heavy heart

as people go around

throwing care to the wind,

laughing around as they please.

Don’t they know

that they’re being merciless?

That they’re inflicting pain

on my already burdened heart?

I envy their smiles,

their friendships, their lives.

Sadly, they’re not to blame.

I’m basically an onlooker to them.

Studying my life,

I question myself, ‘Why am I so alone?’

‘What’s so bad about me?’

‘Why can’t I make this work?’

Dear heavens, I try!

Each time I try to encourage a smile,

it comes out as a twisted grimace.

Nothing more, nothing less.

But finally, I’m part of something, a group maybe.

Telling myself it’s the start

of a better life for myself,

it only ends up going in the opposite direction.

As I sit among them,

my eagerness slowly diminishes.

It just basically feels like

I’m practically invisible.

I’ve tried to look on the bright side,

but faced the even darker side.

I’ve tried to hold in my tears,

but there’s no use, so I let them go.

Either way, I’ll still be hopeful,

because there are still many days ahead.

But I sincerely hope,

that I can find the strength to wait until then.