What if’s tend to linger and so does the pain.

Maybe it’s the “What if?” that kills me. I know it was my fault. I tried to blame you. I projected my insecurities onto you. I turned on someone I loved the most.. I made the worst mistake. How dare I blame you. I don’t believe any amount of words or action could express how sorry I am and how sorrowful it was. 18 is young. I can’t blame my age but I was stupid. I try everyday to not be the person I was when I was 18. I try hard to be a better lover. For a moment I felt I was succeeding... yet the loss still stings. Or is it just disappointment in myself because I wish I knew better. I wish I was healthier at that time too.