I’m Sorry

Dear C,

I cannot even begin to tell you how sorry I am about everything. The way I ended our friendship, without explanation, that I just stopped answering your phone calls was plain wrong. You deserved so much better than that. I should have been honest with you. I knew that besides me, L was your best friend. The problem was always with L, never you. I just did not want to answer any questions about the situation and I panicked and avoided you instead of simply saying, “This is a problem between L and me. I’d prefer not to discuss it,” if you had asked me.

Then, in pushing you away, I did something even more unforgivable by passive aggressively writing those hurtful things about you. I was always a little frustrated by your depression and your parents’ enabling of it but I shouldn’t have discussed it in a place where it could get back to you and hurt you. Of course, L found out about it and it all blew up in my face spectacularly. And then L told your sister about it who was rightly outraged. I want you to know I took everything down, the books and the blog. You were nothing but loyal to me and I did not appreciate you like I should have. I know it’s too late to restore our friendship and L and S would never let that happen.

I did awkwardly try to offer an apology three years ago when I invited you to that milestone party. It wasn’t to get a check from you as L had accused. If you had decided to come, no gift in hand, I just would have been happy to see YOU. I see now that I went about it all wrong. I should have called you on the phone or taken you to lunch. I should have said how sorry I was for pushing you away but we shared so much together and I wanted you to be at my important celebration. We just had too much history for me to leave you out. I’m sorry if you took my invitation the wrong way.

I know it’s too late for us. You were a better friend to me than I deserved. I am so sorry about everything that happened and I wish I had handled things differently.

Many Regrets,

Me