Apology

Dear Me,

I am sorry for . . .

1. Calling you unworthy.

2. Telling you that you couldn't possibly be liked or loved as "just yourself."

3. Trying my hardest to convince you that you couldn't succeed, couldn't do what makes you happy.

4. Badmouthing you to others and then telling you it was for your own protection, that you would only disappoint them if I acted as though I believed in you.

5. Telling you it wasn't worth it to try, because you'd never be good enough.

6. Laughing at you when you would get your hopes up, when you would think, "Hey, maybe I can do this!"

7. Determining your worth based on how I thought others perceived you.

8. Not listening to or supporting you.

9. Calling you pathetic and unwanted.

I do love you, and I believe in you, and sometimes I still find you pathetic, and I don't quite know why, and I don't know why I perceive your accomplishments as not accomplishments when they really are, and I don't know why I still look at you sometimes and think, "You're so unloveable." I don't know why I go down that negativity spiral, but I am sorry for dragging you - someone who I love and am proud of and hopeful for - down the vortex with me.

Sincerely,

Me