Journey 4 Love

The lines have blurred

I once was young

Now i know better

A split moment

A word spoken in anger

One bad choice

Just another life lost

Unable to break for grief

My natural state

Fight or flight

Danger has been my constant trend

Can’t think of blending in

When death may be around the next bend

Just another homeless night

The hearts of humans

Things i just can’t seem to comprehend

Moments from my life haunt my memories

The insides of my head

Demons dancing the macarena

My mother’s pain breaks my heart

You hear about kids forced to stay in a closet

I stayed there to hide from my single father parent

Buckled down deep in the back hoping i wasn’t found

I made up lies about the pain

That i tried dearly to believe

Now i know these pains weren’t caused by me

Then I just wanted to be loved

32 and many things have changed

That’s not one

Sleep tries to evade me every night

Nightmares replay my worst experiences

Abuse as a child

Neglect

Foster care

Being powerless, misdiagnosed and overmedicated

Homelessness

Drug addiction

Violent ex-husband

Rapes

Assaults

Friends dying before my eyes

And images of inside institutions;

Foster care institutions

Mental institutions

Prisons

In vivid detail like some sick time loop

I’ve grown numb

When you're taken out of society

You lose your place

I believe the people i love fear i am mad

PTSD is not a mental illness though

It’s the scars of all the time spent fighting

Fighting against violence

Fighting for self-preservation

Fighting to live

Adapting to environments isn’t mental illness

It’s survival

What will i find at the end of this

Journey 4 Love