Cling

I once believed we would have a happy ending. I clung to the idea like a tiger clinging to it’s prey, as if my life depended on it. I wanted to be the last couple dancing as we lived out our twilight years together. This was my dream; my desire. But the love that attached me to you was one sided. You didn’t have the same dream. As I was clinging to the rope that connected my soul to yours, you looked me in the eyes and dropped your end. You slowly turned and walked away without a backward glance. I screamed at you to come back to me.

Love me!

Want me!

Miss me!

I roam the rooms that we used to share. Your clothes are gone. Your things are gone. Your smell is gone. I still dream about you from time to time as I sleep in our bed alone. My heart still breaks in my dreams. When I am awake, I am learning to let go of the rope that connected me to you, but in my dreams, I still cling and cry out in anquish.

I love you!

Don’t leave me!

Why won’t you hear me?

Day by day it is getting easier. My fear is slowly being replaced by hope. I can still laugh at the shows we used to watch together. I am stronger than I think I am. Grace has become my friend, and I accept her generous gifts. I release and mourn for the future that I will not have with you. I am lonely, but I am learning that being lonely by myself is so much easier that being lonely with you.

I am strong.

I am brave.

I will love again.