Staying and not leaving

Can’t help but panic sometimes. You lie there so sure of everything - it makes my eyes sting. You’re not perfect. Not my plan. Somehow you’re mine, and it goes the other way too.

Don’t get me wrong, it feels right. We drink coffee side by side. I fall in love slowly. You fell all at once, a long time ago, I can see it in your eyes. And in your touch I know that you would never stop loving me. That’s scary.

We don’t still see other people, but I still watch them. And sometimes I still wish for them. But the thing is I don’t wish for them, because nobody could ever be you. You are everything. I wish for the adventure. The spectacle, even.

There is no clash between my heart and my head - what a cliche. My heart wishes for both - my forever love and my romantic wanderlust, and my head wishes too - to be selfish and stay because I love you, to be selfish and leave so I can get what I want.

To be unselfish and give you me, or to be unselfish and stop you from hurting at my expense?

You smile. Your hair is soft. Your love is unconditional.

I choose to stay, but I still can’t help but panic, sometimes.