My Fear

I have very few fears.

Spiders

unprotected heights

public speaking.

But the thing I am most afraid of ,

the thing that keeps me up

and makes me weak at the knees.

Is the people I love.

not knowing how much

I love them.

I try to tell them

every chance I get.

Some days though,

I forget.

I let my anger

hate 

frustration 

and stress

cloud my heart. 

When I realize what I have done

it breaks my heart,

it takes the breath from my lungs,

it makes me cumble to the ground.

I hurry to tell them again 

I love you.

But is it enough? 

If I die tonight,

just fall asleep and never wake up,

will they know how much they mean to me?

Will I be able to leave the Earth knowing I loved deeper then anything?

Will my sister know, 

all the days I felt like I had failed and couldn't do it anymore

she was the one who told me I could?

Will my little brothers know,

how much playing with them filled my heart with peace?

Will my parents know,

how grateful I was to have been raised the way I was?

That is my greatest fear.

I don't need my name carved into stone,

I don't care if the world forgets who I am,

As long as those I care about remember me.

For loving them,

protecting them,

and being there.