The Fall

My palms sweat,

My face burns,

My legs are on fire,

My feet tingle,

My toes curl,

Your lips leave mine and I smile.

My heart is beating quickly,

And all I can say is 'I love you'

You say it back.

My heart flutters,

And we place our foreheads against each other's.

I look into your deep blue eyes,

Blue as the sea

And you say you love me..

I say it back.

Between the sound of our breaths,

And the beating of our hearts,

I have so much to say,

But I do not know what.

So I tell you you are beautiful,

You say thank you.

I stare at the space between us,

And feel your vibrations in the air.

I have so much to say,

But I do not know how to say it,

So I tell you a story.

I tell you I had a crush on a girl for 5 years,

From the day I met her,

To the day she disappeared.

I wish I had told her how I felt.

I never did.

I thought about it,

I calculated every response,

I had numbers for every outcome.

But I never predicted her disappearance.

I never knew how she went,

I dreamt of pirates and canons.

Of street races and cop cars.

I dreamt up fantasies.

But she just left,

On an ordinary monday.

The sun still rose,

And the clouds still moved.

I still got up.

I tell you this and you smile.

Your lips curl up at the corners,

And you say you love how I am with numbers.

I tell you I love numbers because they never change,

They always have a set value,

You can do so much with them,

But they never change.

1 will always equal 1,

2 will always equal 2,

And i will always equal to the amount of love I have for you,

Immeasurable,

An imaginary number with a quantity so large that it is deemed immeasurable,

Therefor imaginary.

Then it all turns around,

And 1 still equals 1,

2 still equals 2,

And i is still equal to the amount of love you had for me,

Immeasurable,

An imaginary number with a quantity so small that it is deemed immeasurable.

Therefore imaginary.

I tell you another story.

I say I loved you,

From the day I met you until the day I hurt you.

I wished I had a chance to take it back.

I calculated every possibility,

I had the numbers for everything.

But I never predicted your disappearance.

I dreamt of another man,

I dreamt of I love you's,

And another set of lips.

I dreamt of someone else.

But I know how you left—

You left with pain,

And anger,

And hate...

You left on an ordinary Monday.

The sun still rose

And the clouds still moved.

I still got up,

But I did not smile.

I got up with the pain of hurting you bearing on my shoulders.

I get up,

And I go to all the places we ever went,

Like a man visiting his home again,

I feel like I am trespassing here.

It does not feel the same.

The corner where we kissed,

No longer feels like home.

The coffee shop where we met,

No longer feels like home.

So I sit,

And I wait.

For you.

I try to catch a glimpse of an Angel.

I go everywhere.

Trying to find you,

Longing for the silence between our breaths,

The pulsing of our heartbeat.

I do not find it.

Then one day,

Years later,

Sitting at a bar,

I see you,

Sitting there all alone.

I can hear your breath,

Feel your heartbeat in my throat.

I walk over and you seem surprised.

I have so much to say but I do not know what.

My heart is beating quickly,

And all I can say is I love you.

You do not say it back.

So I go home.

I go to my balcony,

My palms sweat,

My face burns,

My legs are on fire,

My feet tingle,

My toes curl,

I feel your lips on mine,

And I smile.

Then, I fall.

On an ordinary monday.

The sun still rose

The clouds still moved.

But I did not get up.