Game of Thrones as told by someone who has never seen an episode of Game of Thrones

I speculate it will all go down in some knock off version of a dollar tree. Your drunk aunt hefts a man by his mullet because his slide sandals squack like a dying peacock every time he steps. Your edgy cousin with the newly shaved head is reclined in the middle of the candy isle. Which wouldn't be bad if he wasn't asleep on the cardboard Santa display with a good three boxes of worthless hard candy stuck to his face. Your dad licked them and stuck them onto his face because he needs to redeem himself again after he convinced your cousin that singing to the ground will make the worms come to the surface. Your grandma just threw a twelve year old into the corner of the metal isle. She isn't impaired in any way, she's just angry because the drunk aunt's kid threw up on her paisly wallpaper again. Not only that, but now the trim is stained.

(This is satire, obviously.)