Iv gone grey again

Bruises on my finger tips

Black smoke leaking from my lungs

Bitter air stinging my skin

What have I become

Eyes are meant for seeing, but lately all I see is fog, a grey scale land.

The colors gone again, it feels like it leaves more often than it comes.

It never stays.

I scream and scream but nothing ever leaves my lips. No one ever hears the panic, the ache in my voice, the burn in my chest.

Everyone’s ears are plugged with their own problems, their own lies.

No one wants to listen to you say help me, I’m not okay.

Help me I think I’m getting bad again

Help me

For fucks sake I need your help.

Angry fingers in my face,

spewing nonsense at my ears

Get up girl.

Stop crying girl.

Stop feeling.

I walk away with bloody lips, coughed up anger spewing as I turn away from all of you.

So much anger

There’s a hole in my throat, a hole clear through from toxic words Iv swallowed in response.

That’s all I ever do for you.

I swallow my anger, I swallow my hurt and it goes down like a fucking knife.

God it hurts, slicing me open as it goes deep down to hide.

There’s a storm brewing inside me, it started off as a small spark, a tiny electric bolt that just keeps growing.

One day I hope I’m brave enough to unleash the storm I have become and I hope you feel every ounce of wrath in my rotting bones.