I wept

And sobbed

And bawled

And wailed

And hollered

Into my pillow for years

And then

You were no more

I was beside myself

Grief stricken

Sunken

Diminished

It was like a dance

A game of chance

And then

I - then a child -

Gave up on you

Because I knew

That all the time I’d spent with you

For the remaining six years

We’re gone.

No last game of chess

Or blackjack

Backgammon or

Ludo

No more reading together

You murdering a song

Or honest conversations

No expectations

Just a void

A chasm

A loss which just left...

Me completely bereft

Distressed

Confused

Bemused

The silence profound

With the lack of the sound

Of your voice...

Not your choice!

But the course

Of this timeline reeks of remorse

I agree

Selfishly

Of what it would be

Just to see

You!...

One last time.

I forgot for a moment in time -

Around a three year duration-

How you looked

The more I searched the more it evaded me

Then one day like a jolt

As I remembered, with elation

Your face

The grace

That was bestowed upon me that day

Way clearly divine

For mine

And thine

Own face

Share space.

But you; in part

Gifted me life

With

Your

Whole

Heart.

I love you as much as I did then old man

But I know you better now.

We are more alike than I realised

But of that fact you were aware

And I’m glad and grateful for all the time we had

To just share

And care