Be Careful What You Ask For

Free association.

Uh-oh.

I almost feel sorry for those who decide to try and follow the ramblings that occur when I free associate. I wonder who they are. Do they do this as a hobby, or as part of their job?

My job is calling me from the other window, so I may have to interrupt this writing to get some actual work done, but I couldn’t resist doing this. It is an exercise I frequently use to get my creativity rolling.

Creativity is part of my basic nature, and defines me in some ways. I am very sedentary—I need to get out and do more—but even when I am sitting still, my mind is building, creating, composing, and designing. Maybe that’s why I turned to writing, to channel some of that mental energy.

If only I could turn it into physical energy. My body is growing more and more distant from my concerns, and is probably due to the dissolution years ago, of my long-term relationship and marriage. 33 years is a very long time, and trying to start over in a relationship at 56 is almost laughable, for someone who spends every day touching lives and helping others through words on a screen.

I think that lack of concern about looks and no longer feeling the need to worry about being physically attractive, is the main reason I have allowed myself to become fat and lazy, and have chosen to focus instead on my writing.

That sounds like I regret being who I am, but I don’t. The best lesson I learned when my wife chased her own demons off into the distance, is the rediscovery who I am—and I really do like the guy I found.

My wife. Estranged life-partner? I don’t even know who she is anymore. We have never divorced, but I haven’t seen her now in years. We have 5 kids, and 14 grandkids in common, but very little else.

I could continue to write from my left brain all day, but I still have a lot of work to do editing and producing other author’s words. At least being a book designer, editor, and publisher fills my brain with things to think about.

As if I need it.